Bring out the child in you!

Many people lament about lost childhood, about wanting to go back to the carefree days of being a child. Of late, I have had the same feeling, which inexplicably becomes stronger with each passing day. I wanted to be a kid once more, to live the life of being a child, completely unsaddled by (or should I say ignorant to) society's expectations and by life's pressures; I wanted to be able to have unbridled freedom to do what I want, in things that truly interest me.

Wait, why have I lost my freedom and my ability to simply listen to my heart when I am supposedly wiser and more independent now as an adult? Have I also caved in to the need to conform and in the process, lost myself? These were the thoughts that lingered in my mind, and as I was searching for the answers, I discovered, to my aghast, that I was no longer the high-achieving top performer I used to be 23 years ago! I used to be among the best, if not, the best in my class; I was always producing top quality work and drawing praise (and an occasional look of envy) from people around me. However, as I critically examined my performance in my post-college years, I am grossly disappointed. Granted that I had occasional wins over my eight-year career, I have not had the kind of phenomenal success that I had as a child. So what did I do 23 years ago that enabled me to perform at my peak? 

1. Focus 

Growing up with a mother who knew the value of getting a good education, I led a pretty disciplined life as a child. I knew that I had to focus on my studies - and be insanely good at it. My family of five depended on my dad's monthly income of US$500 to get by and this meant that we couldn't afford life's luxuries, like computer games, musical instruments, and fancy athletic gears. On the positive side, this meant that I had no distractions. I was able to simply focus on my studies all day every day. Malcolm Gladwell in his book, "Outliers", mentioned that true mastery comes only after 10,000 hours of continuous, consistent practice. By focusing on my studies, I was able to accelerate the learning process and before I knew it, I had already spent more than 10,000 hours on my studies. No surprises that a poor kid like me could outperform children who came from a financially better background. 

2. Grit

I am never the smartest kid in the class and I never for once believe that I have the Einstein-genius type of genes in me. I may have a good college degree, and recently, an MBA but I am nowhere close to being an Einstein (or some would say, Tesla's Elon Musk). My parents had little education, and were never academically inclined. I was however able to achieve significant breakthroughs in school. I came out tops in my Arts & Craft, Math and Science classes. I had the second highest score in my elementary school. Why? Hardwork. Determination. Perseverance. Grit. I stayed up till midnight just so that I could do one more exercise (Check back on my previous blog post on the value of "Just one more"!), I woke up an hour early every morning before I went to school to review my work; I rushed home from school just so that I could finish up the assessment books -- and get another one from the bookstore. I literally busted my ass during those years just so that I could soar in school. 

3. The "Indiana Jones Adventurer"mindset

I was particularly good at Maths and had a flair for Arts and languages when I was in school. I could say all this in hindsight but I actually never knew that I had a knack for design though I was almost always able to produce amazing work in class. What I knew then was I enjoyed doing what I did. As a kid, I allowed my imagination to run wild and before I knew it, I was producing all kinds of fancy art pieces - calligraphy, wood sculpture, oil paintings, charcoal drawings. Nothing was too difficult for me. I had the adventurous spirit in me to explore and I completely gave myself free rein to create and build whatever I liked. Not good enough? "It's okay -- I can always redo another one." was my attitude. 

4. Be at war with the greatest enemy - myself

I was pretty good with languages but the Chinese Language (if you have taken it before) isn't exactly the easiest language to master in the world. The first thought that came to my mind, however, was not whether or not I would fail. Rather, I thought about what I could do to tackle the challenge and excel in class. I had a warrior mindset. I didn't take the easy way out by throwing in the towel; instead I threw down the gauntlet to my competitors and in making a tough commitment, I found the energy to seek out means and ways to improve my language skills. I vividly remember going through Chinese newspapers and copying down phrases after phrases of sentences and unique idioms in a book; I remember spending hours after hours going through newspaper articles to build up my Chinese vocabulary. Success begets success and I became so fired up and I was constantly challenging myself to be better. I was at war with myself. 

5. Immersed myself in a superior environment

Growing up in a neighborhood school meant that my classmates were not kids from elite backgrounds. I wasn't aware of anyone in class who had parents who drove fanciful cars (though this completely changed when I went to middle school). I was in a very supportive environment where we helped each other out and I prospered. I eventually did well enough to enrol in the country's best middle school and while I initially had a culture shock (me, a kid whose family earned enough to qualify for financial aid from the country vs others whose families were millionaires), I was actually fortunate enough to have friends who were better than me. I mixed around with the best of the best and I could occasionally get their help on school work. I had access to amazing resources in school and even if I weren't the top 10% in school, I would still rank among the top 10% in the country. 

Fast forward 23 years and I am now jobless and wondering what's next for me. I went from being a kid with no elitist background to attending the top middle school in the country and eventually graduating within the top 2% of my class in college...and now back to being a nobody. What happened? Why have I fallen from the sky? If life has any lessons for me, and if I do get a second chance at being a top performer, these are things that I absolutely need to fix:

1. Distractions

I simply lost my way. I became too caught up in the proverbial rat race. I succumbed to life's pressures and others' expectations of me (more on this in my earlier blog post on "How to Lead a Happy Life"). I spent time trying to do everything and ended up achieving nothing. I jumped at whatever is cool and hip and could help me become rich but in the process, lost myself and my focus. I cared too much about what others (parents, friends and business associates) would think of me and too little about what works best for me. I stopped being a master at my own game. 

2. A shrinking network

When you experience success, you will feel good about yourself and the confidence you gained will be a natural people's magnet. You will find yourself getting offers for jobs and people wanting to know you. You walk around with a glow on your face and a halo above your head; you radiate and glitter - and you grow as a person. As I jumped from one opportunity to another opportunity and continued to experience setbacks and misses, my confidence continued to get battered, day by day, year by year. I lost the confidence to go out and meet people...because I simply don't know what to say and how to behave. My network began to shrink and this created a vicious circle. I am no longer mixing with people who knew more than me, were smarter than me, or could bring me to greatness.

3. A fear of the unknown
I became too self conscious and ended up creating this hole that sucked my life in. While I still went ahead to get my MBA with no certainty of a bright future, I was still mired in a "scared-to-fail" mindset. I became suspicious of what lies ahead and began to doubt my abilities and skills. I have the experience, the skills and the results to take on the world's greatest problem but the fear of the unknown is pulling me back. I cared too much how others were better than me and underestimated my ability to be better than them. Fear cripples and destroys, like a subconscious devil that lurks in the dark recesses of your mind. It must be purged, without delay. 

Writing this blog post is cathartic. This is however a great first step in getting my life back on track and rising from the ashes of failure. It's really my own doing that I am where I am today and I accept it. But you know what, recognizing where I have gone wrong and knowing how I could regain success will get me up and running. Focus. Persevere. Push on. Reach out. I want to bring out the kid in me again -- and I will. 

What failures have you had in life? Are you still the child that you were many years? How have you successfully overcome life's challenges and handled the lemons that were thrown at you to get to where you are today? I'd love to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Always remember, your career is a line and not a single point. 

Four tips to leading an instantly happy life

I recently visited a tropical country in Asia and found that this city is filled with people who are unhappy. You don't see people smile; you hardly see people laugh; you rarely see people celebrate life. For a country that always tops the charts on various global business indices, you'd think that the success of the country would naturally percolate down to its people. The truth is anything but. In fact, according to the Happy Planet Index, this country ranks a miserable 90 out of 151 countries analyzed. Life ain't easy for a lot of people, but it sure has taken a toll on a good number of people who reside on this little sunny island. I wish they could be happier!

I am no happiness guru but I am sure those people in that country - and everywhere else - would benefit from the following four happiness tips. Results guaranteed, with no less than a smile of course!

1. Change your perspective
Life is all about how we look at certain issues. If you don't think so, take any unhappy problems you have now and reframe it; focus on the positive outcomes rather than the negative, look at the upside and not the downside. Once you look at your predicament through what I call the happiness lens, you'd actually be happy and weirdly thankful that you are in this situation.

I am unemployed and am out job hunting all day every day. I recently had my 6th round of interview with a consulting firm, and waited for more than a week, hoping that they would call with an offer...but no calls. I did not receive any rejection emails either. For people who have been through this process before, you'd know this feeling. So I decided to change the way I looked at this issue -- the longer the consulting firm took to come back to me with a decision, the more time I would have to look for another job, the higher the probability of me finding a job that would be a better fit with my aspirations! This thought was liberating, and it cheered me up instantly. I found renewed energy in my stride. And always remember, you lost a company that doesn't like you; the company lost someone who was in love with them? Who's the real loser here? The company, not you.

2. Do not compare
Life is hard but harder if you're always competing with others, either knowingly or unknowingly, with others. Facebook has made it worse by giving you news feeds at the most inopportune time -- a friend declaring she's got a great job offer in Seattle; another posting 101 photos of his vacation in Europe, all these while you're busy scouring the net for a job. The truth hurts - and this is nothing further from the truth. But things will miraculously change once you realize that all of us are unique and different, right from the day we were born. There are simply no benefits to comparing with others. Quit looking at and admiring the good fortune of your peers, and celebrate who you are today. Smile.

3. Be all in 
How often have we been blindsided by our own self-imposed unhappiness that we neglect to be "all in" in whatever we do? By allowing yourself to be mired in unhappiness, you're preventing yourself to give your all to the task at hand. Much has been said about the value of focus, and it is no different here. If you can't focus and dedicate yourself to what you do, you can never scale the peak of excellence; if you can't jettison your unhappiness, you are setting yourself up for mediocrity and greater failure. See the connection here? So give yourself and life another chance at every single thing you do and be "all in". Plus, there's always the bonus of a euphoric high from a job well done.
Need some help here? Try meditation to reclaim your mental focus. There's an app that I use called "Headspace" and I absolutely love it ! For more details, check it out here http://www.getsomeheadspace.com

4. Live your own life
Sometimes, we care too much about other people's view of us, and in the process, allow our perception of their views to guide our behavior. Between a 100-hour per week job that pays $20,000 a month and a 40-hour per week job that pays $7,000 a month, most people would likely go for the former since being rich and wealthy would buy you respect from people around you -- or so you think. Yes, while people may gossip about you, they often don't really care that much about you and what you do. If this is the case, then why should you allow your actions to be dictated by others would perceive you? Honor yourself, stake your claim to your life and do whatever you need to do to bring you happiness. You will soon find that there are just as many cheerleaders around you, too.

Hope you will find the above happiness tips useful. If you ever need help to change your view of the world, drop me a line. I'd also love to hear from you your secrets to happiness. Go ahead and share in the comments section below!

Getting the best returns from your mental reserves

It's a rainy night with the occasional cold breeze ruffling my tussled hair. I am especially pleased with my own achievements today -- I am more than half way through my book on how to use HTML, read a few articles in Harvard Business Review, completed my run in the park, spent quality time with my family and even managed to squeeze in a bit of shopping. Believe it or not, I still have energy to do a lot more - I plan to read one more chapter of the HTML book and one article in HBR before I hit the sheets - though it's already way past midnight. You must be wondering, how did I manage to do all that ? From where did I get my energy? 

I am no different from you. I have my share of commitments, duties and errants; I don't have a diet that is specially planned for me by a dietician; neither can I afford expensive supplements to boost my energy levels. What I do have is a wealth of mental reserves that I have carefully built up. And yes, you've read it right - mental reserves. Think of them as gold inventory that the U.S. Government has carefully put away in its vault, except that what I have are stored in my body as mental fuel. 

I first conceived this concept of mental reserves when I was working on my application to business schools while holding down a 100-hour-per-week day job. Those days were simply awful -- I was exhausted every single day and rarely did I end a day feeling satisfied and happy; I led a monotonous life that sucked the energy out of me. It was however not until my birthday that I realized that I should do something about my life and that got me thinking. I  began to consciously keep track of my daily activities right from the moment I got off bed to the time I went to sleep; I started to look at ways to make over my life...and I had a light bulb moment one day when I saw a group of runners sprint past me as I was walking home from yet another dull work day. To last a marathon, athletes have to ensure that they make optimal use of their body fuel that is carbohydrates. And if life is often "affectionately" referred to as a marathon, doesn't that mean that we - as in you, me and everybody else - should be prudent in drawing on our mental reserves in our daily lives?

Mental reserves are accumulated when we have our daily 6-8 hour sleep; we start drawing down our mental reserves the moment we are awake. How you use those reserves to ensure that you have a surplus will determine how successful you are in a given day. Recall that I mentioned at the start of this post that I have a wealth of mental reserves? Yes, I have - over the course of day - taken care to draw on my reserves and use them on things that truly matter to me. I was aware that whatever I do will reduce my mental reserve inventory and this realization made me focus on my priorities. If you are careful with how you spend your income, you will have a substantial amount leftover to put into your savings account; in the same vein, if you are frugal and disciplined with how you use your mental reserves, you will have a mental reserve surplus at the end of the day! 

Now that you are familiar with the concept of mental reserves, here are 5 things that I do to make sure that my mental reserves are optimally used and which I hope you will find equally relevant for your own use :

1. Identify three things that are critically important to you everyday. Good health will allow me to pursue my dreams and complete the marathon of life and I make sure that I invest time in my health and fitness everyday; reading and learning from others is how I'd like to inspire myself and I put aside time to jog my brain; being there for my family makes me feel accomplished and I love to spend time doing things in the house to make life better. 

2. Know how your body functions and listen to it. I work best in the morning and at night, and am bad at making great progress on tough assignments in the afternoon. I used to think that I should focus on one project until I have completed it but realizing that I am not making optimal use of my mental reserves in the afternoon has led me to overhaul the way I do things. Instead of tackling a project through the day, I split my project up and allocate specific times to work on them depending on the demands of the project and the complexity of the tasks associated with it. Knowing that I function best in the morning, I bulldoze my way through all challenging (or mundane) projects in the morning, and devote the afternoon to stuff from which I absorb positive energy, such as interacting with customers, making sales calls and reading  inspirational from-rags-to-riches stories penned by people I admire. I also apply a principle which I call "Just one more" to  push my limits to make sure that each ounce of mental reserve gets me a 101% return. (For more information on "Just one more", read my earlier blog post. )

3. Be acutely aware of your environment.  Let's get real -- you can't function with kids crying around you, parents bickering next door or dogs barking to be fed. I live in a shoebox apartment with my family and my environment is usually quite noisy in the day and peaceful at night. Instead of watching TED talks when it's quieter in the evening, I squeeze in time in the day for a short TED talk when people are having a war around me. This has in essence helped free up time for me in the evening to focus on mentally taxing work like strategizing my life and reviewing disruptive business innovations. And I still get my daily dose of inspiration from TED while conserving the use of my mental reserves! Ain't this perfect? 

4. Identify trailblazers you admire and feed on their wisdom of success. I am on LinkedIn (if you're, look me up and let's get connected), and I follow certain influencers very closely; I am also on Twitter and those thought leaders I admire (such as Jack Welch, Jeff Weiner, Richard Branson, Dave Kerpen and Marissa Meyer) often have inspiring tweets and blog posts that will help refuel my mental reserve. Build your own lists and set aside time everyday to learn from the best to know how you can be better than the best. 

5. Be adaptable yet disciplined and focus. Sounds contradictory? They sure do, but that's what I do all day every day. I adapt my schedule to new changes but remain unwavering in adhering to my priority list. If I have to spend my morning doing something which depletes my mental reserves, I am disciplined enough to know that I need to recharge sometime in the day; I also maintain my laser focus on my list of priorities and be sure to set aside a chunk of my time and mental reserves to accomplish each of those activities. Life is never predictable but how you react to it is within your control ! 

I hope this post has changed your perspective on how you have viewed life and has jolted you out from your lethargic slumber. If you find yourself drained and unhappy, do what I did -- get acquainted with the concept of mental reserves and work on the 5 steps I listed above. Start your day wise, be disciplined and you'd be handsomely rewarded for those mental reserves you've spent - and saved. 

Now, if you'll please excuse me, I'd like to go get my additional readings done! 

Just one more

I love to get outdoors for a jog -- who doesn't like the smell of the evening breeze and the sight of the crimson sunset skies? It energizes me and refills my positive ion reservoir, which gets depleted as the day wears on. Recently, I noticed that I've hit a runner's plateau -- I may look forward to getting out in the open, but that post-workout surge of endorphins seems to have all but disappeared. Sweating it out has strangely become less enjoyable, and I'm actually gaining weight in spite of my daily workout. Something ain't right. Gasp! 

Determined to find my mojo back, I began to look into ways to inject greater variety into my daily workouts. For a start, I alternated my daily outdoor jogs with treadmill running. This was surprisingly refreshing given that I have - for the longest time - been staunchly against being seen as a hamster on a gym wheel. And on those days when I go out for my outdoor jogs, I made a conscious effort to try out a new route - with the added bonus of seeing a new scenery. Not only did this help get me better acquainted with my neighborhood, the excitement of not knowing what will show up at the turn of the corner kept me perpetually curious, got my adrenalin rushing and motivated to go faster! Wanting to burn more calories, I decided to rough it out and push my limits by simply doing "just one more". Just one more push-up. Just one more pull-up. Just one more sit-up. Admittedly, the going was tough especially when the body was pre-conditioned to doing a set of routine exercises. But somehow, if you think about it, doing one more chin-up, pull-up or sit-up wasn't all that bad, as compared to doing say, fifty or a hundred more chin-up or burpee. "Just one more and I will be done for the day" was a common refrain that went through my mind when my body began to protest. Unknowingly, in a matter of three weeks, I soon found myself feeling lighter and somewhat fitter than before. I may not have rock-hard abs and vein-bulging biceps to show for it, but I definitely found myself feeling better and I attribute it to my "just one more" personal motto. 

I was on the treadmill the other day when I had an epiphany -- "just one more" could be applied to other areas of my life too! Just one more chapter of my textbook. Just one more enhancement to my website. Just one more tweet on Twitter. This process of doing things incrementally is actually very powerful. Imagine, if you were an entrepreneur, and were to make just one more tweak to your business daily, you'd have made a total of 365 improvements to your new venture in a year ! If everyone were to do just one more kind deed everyday, can you imagine how much better our society would become overtime? The math is simple; the idea is straightforward but the results are mind-blowing. Mentally, it persuades the mind and deceives it into thinking that just doing one more thing is a simple feat but completely ignores the power of compounding. I believe that if I were to continue to do "just one more" of whatever I am doing in my professional and personal life, I'd see my payback multiply a million fold in no time. 

When I go on my workout later, I plan to jog for one more minute; when I read my textbook tomorrow evening, I plan to read one more chapter. What would you do one more of today ?