Bring out the child in you!

Many people lament about lost childhood, about wanting to go back to the carefree days of being a child. Of late, I have had the same feeling, which inexplicably becomes stronger with each passing day. I wanted to be a kid once more, to live the life of being a child, completely unsaddled by (or should I say ignorant to) society's expectations and by life's pressures; I wanted to be able to have unbridled freedom to do what I want, in things that truly interest me.

Wait, why have I lost my freedom and my ability to simply listen to my heart when I am supposedly wiser and more independent now as an adult? Have I also caved in to the need to conform and in the process, lost myself? These were the thoughts that lingered in my mind, and as I was searching for the answers, I discovered, to my aghast, that I was no longer the high-achieving top performer I used to be 23 years ago! I used to be among the best, if not, the best in my class; I was always producing top quality work and drawing praise (and an occasional look of envy) from people around me. However, as I critically examined my performance in my post-college years, I am grossly disappointed. Granted that I had occasional wins over my eight-year career, I have not had the kind of phenomenal success that I had as a child. So what did I do 23 years ago that enabled me to perform at my peak? 

1. Focus 

Growing up with a mother who knew the value of getting a good education, I led a pretty disciplined life as a child. I knew that I had to focus on my studies - and be insanely good at it. My family of five depended on my dad's monthly income of US$500 to get by and this meant that we couldn't afford life's luxuries, like computer games, musical instruments, and fancy athletic gears. On the positive side, this meant that I had no distractions. I was able to simply focus on my studies all day every day. Malcolm Gladwell in his book, "Outliers", mentioned that true mastery comes only after 10,000 hours of continuous, consistent practice. By focusing on my studies, I was able to accelerate the learning process and before I knew it, I had already spent more than 10,000 hours on my studies. No surprises that a poor kid like me could outperform children who came from a financially better background. 

2. Grit

I am never the smartest kid in the class and I never for once believe that I have the Einstein-genius type of genes in me. I may have a good college degree, and recently, an MBA but I am nowhere close to being an Einstein (or some would say, Tesla's Elon Musk). My parents had little education, and were never academically inclined. I was however able to achieve significant breakthroughs in school. I came out tops in my Arts & Craft, Math and Science classes. I had the second highest score in my elementary school. Why? Hardwork. Determination. Perseverance. Grit. I stayed up till midnight just so that I could do one more exercise (Check back on my previous blog post on the value of "Just one more"!), I woke up an hour early every morning before I went to school to review my work; I rushed home from school just so that I could finish up the assessment books -- and get another one from the bookstore. I literally busted my ass during those years just so that I could soar in school. 

3. The "Indiana Jones Adventurer"mindset

I was particularly good at Maths and had a flair for Arts and languages when I was in school. I could say all this in hindsight but I actually never knew that I had a knack for design though I was almost always able to produce amazing work in class. What I knew then was I enjoyed doing what I did. As a kid, I allowed my imagination to run wild and before I knew it, I was producing all kinds of fancy art pieces - calligraphy, wood sculpture, oil paintings, charcoal drawings. Nothing was too difficult for me. I had the adventurous spirit in me to explore and I completely gave myself free rein to create and build whatever I liked. Not good enough? "It's okay -- I can always redo another one." was my attitude. 

4. Be at war with the greatest enemy - myself

I was pretty good with languages but the Chinese Language (if you have taken it before) isn't exactly the easiest language to master in the world. The first thought that came to my mind, however, was not whether or not I would fail. Rather, I thought about what I could do to tackle the challenge and excel in class. I had a warrior mindset. I didn't take the easy way out by throwing in the towel; instead I threw down the gauntlet to my competitors and in making a tough commitment, I found the energy to seek out means and ways to improve my language skills. I vividly remember going through Chinese newspapers and copying down phrases after phrases of sentences and unique idioms in a book; I remember spending hours after hours going through newspaper articles to build up my Chinese vocabulary. Success begets success and I became so fired up and I was constantly challenging myself to be better. I was at war with myself. 

5. Immersed myself in a superior environment

Growing up in a neighborhood school meant that my classmates were not kids from elite backgrounds. I wasn't aware of anyone in class who had parents who drove fanciful cars (though this completely changed when I went to middle school). I was in a very supportive environment where we helped each other out and I prospered. I eventually did well enough to enrol in the country's best middle school and while I initially had a culture shock (me, a kid whose family earned enough to qualify for financial aid from the country vs others whose families were millionaires), I was actually fortunate enough to have friends who were better than me. I mixed around with the best of the best and I could occasionally get their help on school work. I had access to amazing resources in school and even if I weren't the top 10% in school, I would still rank among the top 10% in the country. 

Fast forward 23 years and I am now jobless and wondering what's next for me. I went from being a kid with no elitist background to attending the top middle school in the country and eventually graduating within the top 2% of my class in college...and now back to being a nobody. What happened? Why have I fallen from the sky? If life has any lessons for me, and if I do get a second chance at being a top performer, these are things that I absolutely need to fix:

1. Distractions

I simply lost my way. I became too caught up in the proverbial rat race. I succumbed to life's pressures and others' expectations of me (more on this in my earlier blog post on "How to Lead a Happy Life"). I spent time trying to do everything and ended up achieving nothing. I jumped at whatever is cool and hip and could help me become rich but in the process, lost myself and my focus. I cared too much about what others (parents, friends and business associates) would think of me and too little about what works best for me. I stopped being a master at my own game. 

2. A shrinking network

When you experience success, you will feel good about yourself and the confidence you gained will be a natural people's magnet. You will find yourself getting offers for jobs and people wanting to know you. You walk around with a glow on your face and a halo above your head; you radiate and glitter - and you grow as a person. As I jumped from one opportunity to another opportunity and continued to experience setbacks and misses, my confidence continued to get battered, day by day, year by year. I lost the confidence to go out and meet people...because I simply don't know what to say and how to behave. My network began to shrink and this created a vicious circle. I am no longer mixing with people who knew more than me, were smarter than me, or could bring me to greatness.

3. A fear of the unknown
I became too self conscious and ended up creating this hole that sucked my life in. While I still went ahead to get my MBA with no certainty of a bright future, I was still mired in a "scared-to-fail" mindset. I became suspicious of what lies ahead and began to doubt my abilities and skills. I have the experience, the skills and the results to take on the world's greatest problem but the fear of the unknown is pulling me back. I cared too much how others were better than me and underestimated my ability to be better than them. Fear cripples and destroys, like a subconscious devil that lurks in the dark recesses of your mind. It must be purged, without delay. 

Writing this blog post is cathartic. This is however a great first step in getting my life back on track and rising from the ashes of failure. It's really my own doing that I am where I am today and I accept it. But you know what, recognizing where I have gone wrong and knowing how I could regain success will get me up and running. Focus. Persevere. Push on. Reach out. I want to bring out the kid in me again -- and I will. 

What failures have you had in life? Are you still the child that you were many years? How have you successfully overcome life's challenges and handled the lemons that were thrown at you to get to where you are today? I'd love to hear from you. Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Always remember, your career is a line and not a single point. 

Four tips to leading an instantly happy life

I recently visited a tropical country in Asia and found that this city is filled with people who are unhappy. You don't see people smile; you hardly see people laugh; you rarely see people celebrate life. For a country that always tops the charts on various global business indices, you'd think that the success of the country would naturally percolate down to its people. The truth is anything but. In fact, according to the Happy Planet Index, this country ranks a miserable 90 out of 151 countries analyzed. Life ain't easy for a lot of people, but it sure has taken a toll on a good number of people who reside on this little sunny island. I wish they could be happier!

I am no happiness guru but I am sure those people in that country - and everywhere else - would benefit from the following four happiness tips. Results guaranteed, with no less than a smile of course!

1. Change your perspective
Life is all about how we look at certain issues. If you don't think so, take any unhappy problems you have now and reframe it; focus on the positive outcomes rather than the negative, look at the upside and not the downside. Once you look at your predicament through what I call the happiness lens, you'd actually be happy and weirdly thankful that you are in this situation.

I am unemployed and am out job hunting all day every day. I recently had my 6th round of interview with a consulting firm, and waited for more than a week, hoping that they would call with an offer...but no calls. I did not receive any rejection emails either. For people who have been through this process before, you'd know this feeling. So I decided to change the way I looked at this issue -- the longer the consulting firm took to come back to me with a decision, the more time I would have to look for another job, the higher the probability of me finding a job that would be a better fit with my aspirations! This thought was liberating, and it cheered me up instantly. I found renewed energy in my stride. And always remember, you lost a company that doesn't like you; the company lost someone who was in love with them? Who's the real loser here? The company, not you.

2. Do not compare
Life is hard but harder if you're always competing with others, either knowingly or unknowingly, with others. Facebook has made it worse by giving you news feeds at the most inopportune time -- a friend declaring she's got a great job offer in Seattle; another posting 101 photos of his vacation in Europe, all these while you're busy scouring the net for a job. The truth hurts - and this is nothing further from the truth. But things will miraculously change once you realize that all of us are unique and different, right from the day we were born. There are simply no benefits to comparing with others. Quit looking at and admiring the good fortune of your peers, and celebrate who you are today. Smile.

3. Be all in 
How often have we been blindsided by our own self-imposed unhappiness that we neglect to be "all in" in whatever we do? By allowing yourself to be mired in unhappiness, you're preventing yourself to give your all to the task at hand. Much has been said about the value of focus, and it is no different here. If you can't focus and dedicate yourself to what you do, you can never scale the peak of excellence; if you can't jettison your unhappiness, you are setting yourself up for mediocrity and greater failure. See the connection here? So give yourself and life another chance at every single thing you do and be "all in". Plus, there's always the bonus of a euphoric high from a job well done.
Need some help here? Try meditation to reclaim your mental focus. There's an app that I use called "Headspace" and I absolutely love it ! For more details, check it out here http://www.getsomeheadspace.com

4. Live your own life
Sometimes, we care too much about other people's view of us, and in the process, allow our perception of their views to guide our behavior. Between a 100-hour per week job that pays $20,000 a month and a 40-hour per week job that pays $7,000 a month, most people would likely go for the former since being rich and wealthy would buy you respect from people around you -- or so you think. Yes, while people may gossip about you, they often don't really care that much about you and what you do. If this is the case, then why should you allow your actions to be dictated by others would perceive you? Honor yourself, stake your claim to your life and do whatever you need to do to bring you happiness. You will soon find that there are just as many cheerleaders around you, too.

Hope you will find the above happiness tips useful. If you ever need help to change your view of the world, drop me a line. I'd also love to hear from you your secrets to happiness. Go ahead and share in the comments section below!

How to Conquer a Video Interview

If you're reading this post, you're probably having butterflies in your stomach because you have just been shortlisted for an interview but you're apprehensive at the same time about what to expect from a video interview. Well, the good news is, a video interview is nothing new and a lot of us have experienced what you are experiencing right now -- that oh-too-familiar feeling of anxiety; that anticipation of the unknown; that sense of helplessness. I've been through enough video interviews to know how frightening and nerve-wrecking those interviews can be. While I wish I could help do the interview on your behalf, you know that you will ultimately have to fight - and hopefully win - this battle yourself. What I can do is to share my tips for success and take the guesswork out of a video interview process.

Here are my 8 tips on how to nail a video interview !

1. Find a quiet room with a clean background and an impeccable internet connection . With the proliferation of smartphones, tablets and phablets, you're probably thinking that you could easily kill a video interview by using one of those gadgets. To that, I'd say no -- you're more likely to end up flubbing it than walking out from the room a victor. If that interview is important to you, do yourself a favor by finding a room that provides you with seamless broadband connection and allows you to have your interview without any visual interruption and noise disturbance. I am speaking from experience -- I've had an interview with company X only to have my interview interrupted by a poor connection. I completely lost my cool and along with it my train of thought. As expected, the interview turned out to be a complete disaster and I was rejected almost immediately. Don't let this happen to you. Oh, and make sure that all unsightly objects (e.g. that poster of a bikini-clad model or a torso-baring hunk) do not appear in the background. You definitely don't want your interviewer to remember you for your taste (or lack of it).

2. Maintain eye contact. Speaking to someone during a video interview is quite unlike Skype-ing your sister or Facetiming your best pal from college. You've to make sure that you maintain your enthusiasm and professionalism. The best way to judge a candidate on video is to look at how he or she behaves in front of the camera and given the limited field of vision a recruiter has, the eyes of an interviewee are what a recruiter looks at to tell whether or not the interviewee is confident. So be very sure that you are "looking" at the other party. To do this, test out the front camera function of the computer you will be using and record yourself to ascertain which part of the computer you should be looking at in order to appear as though you are looking straight at the interviewer. Mark that spot with an "X" -- the recruiter is not going to find out anyway! During your practice and the actual interview, look at the "X" sign at all times. It may feel awkward initially but you're going to appear as a confident individual on the other end of the computer !

3. Avoid and minimize all unnecessary body movements. You probably didn't realize this but a camera magnifies all your actions. So if you are someone who is very animated and tends to have a lot of exaggerated body movements when you speak, it is imperative that you tone down all those movements - or even better, cut them out completely - for that 45 minutes of video interview! People fidget when they are nervous and stressed out. Projecting a steady image in front of the camera just makes it so much more pleasant for your recruiter visually and it also creates an impression - albeit subconsciously - that you are someone who is dependable and level-headed. Clasp your hands in front of you on the table, and interlock the fingers (breaking occasionally to make a gesture) if you don't know where to place your hands. Never scratch your head or face during a video interview. This simply reeks of unprofessionalism.

4. Smile. Remember what I've just said about the camera being a magnifying glass of your actions? Well, this is the time to put on your best Colgate smile ! A smile makes you look good, and more importantly, helps take the pressure off you. Yes, when you smile, you're effectively sending signals to your brain that you're enjoying the process and this will inevitably help you lower your anxiety level, which will all contribute to a great video interview. And remember to put on a smile from the heart -- the naked eye can easily tell a genuine smile apart from an artificial, constipated one.

5. Sit up straight and push your head slightly forward. I can't emphasize this enough. I have seen tons of bad videos of people who slouched in their seats. While this is fine when you are watching a YouTube video at your own time, you've to remember that your posture is going to affect how you are perceived by the recruiter. Sit up straight and take control of your posture. Have your stomach in, chest out and just move your head forward by a teeny bit (this shows that you are interested in making a good conversation with the person on the other side of the video). Check to make sure the screen captures your head all the way down to your upper chest level. A good posture will give you the confidence, or help you fake the confidence that you need when tackling some oddball questions!

6. Record and review your own response. I was flabbergasted by how I first saw myself on video (and I don't mean by my physical appearance). I had always thought that I was pretty darn confident in front of people but that confidence sadly didn't come through in the first video recording that I did of myself. You may loathe seeing yourself on camera but trust me, if that video interview matters a lot to you, looking at yourself on video and being your own critic will go a long way in helping you prep for the big day. In fact, for every single video interview that I am scheduled for, I'd be sure to have my practice interview recorded, replayed, and reviewed at least 10 times. Yes, this is how demanding you have to be in order to be perfect for the task !

7. Project your voice (but don't shout). You think you have a Donald Duck voice that sounded horrible and weak on video? You are not alone -- I wanted to take a speech therapy class, thinking that that would help me project my voice better. However I didn't have the luxury of time to attend a speech therapy class before I was called up for my first video interview. Fortunately, I found some amazing videos online that espouses the importance of drawing on your energy from your diaphragm to "throw out" your voice from the head. Ever since I realized the importance of not speaking from the head, I've been better able to utilize my diaphragm when I speak. And it makes a huge difference to the way your voice sounds on video ! Once you've learnt to take control of your own voice, you will sound that much nicer and more powerful on video.

8. Enunciate and take your time to give your reply. We tend to speak fast when we are nervous. This may make it very difficult for the recruiter to take down notes of the conversation (which simply means the recruiter will miss out on some crucial points that could have been used in the evaluation!). To facilitate the work of the recruiter, slow your speech down deliberately (no one is rushing you) and enunciate your words. Not only will this help you catch your breath, it also makes the entire conversation that much more pleasant to the recruiter. 

A video interview - like all other interviews - is not easy. In fact, it may be harder than you think! So don't underestimate it if you're under the delusion that it's going to be much easier than a face-to-face interview. While you may be physically away from your recruiter, you are nonetheless just as visible to your recruiter. In fact, given that you are framed in a video, a recruiter may be better able to focus on how you present yourself in a video. My experience however tells me that with practice - and some great tips - there is nothing to fear. So go forth, relax and enjoy the experience! I'd love to know how it goes, so write to me in the comments section below and share your experience with others!